We decided to leave the diary as so many people had suffered such bad luck on Twitter we felt a bit guilty.

Anyway our little baby Jack was born on August 16th at 10:31am 7lb 12oz

He is now 7 weeks old and thriving.

We are so lucky considering it was 1st IVF cycle. Plus we had a major bleed in the early stages of pregnancy.

So if you are just starting out or suffer bleading in pregnancy dont give up hope. Read our blog it might help to see what we went through.

I also stopped blogging as it was suggested the site is optimised purely to make money. This is not the case I have not made a single £ or $ from this site and would not want to.

It was purely a diary.

Max

Well I guess it is time to update my blog, I say my blog as Liz is just taking part she is a techno phobe. Takes her days just to reply to texts sometimes

On the baby/IVF front things have settled down, we had another scan a week or so ago and the little Bubba is doing just great. Seems to be growing ahead of schedule, but looks really happy. They were moving about a lot again, I think we have a wriggler!

We have another appointment in a couple of weeks to listen for heartbeat ect but no more scans until mid April now

On a more personal note, I turned 30 last week. I feel ancient now, probably because I am

We are also struggling to keep warm as our boiler has broken down. We have a british gas scheme in place but the part they need is not ready until the 2nd of March. Been 2 weeks already! Complaining like crazy but they dont care We are managing with plug in heaters and boiling pans of water. Its tough with two kids and wife off work sick with no heating/hot water!

Liz is off work next week, that will be her 4th in a row. But she is thinking of going back the week after. She looks and feels so much better right now. All bleeding stopped.

But to anyone who is suffering any kind of bleeding while pregnant try not to panic and dont give up! We had bright red horrible blood and our baby was fine. Sometimes things are ok Stay positive until the doctors have had a good look. We speculated all sort of things but the end of the day the baby probably got more stressed from our worrying than the bleeding itself.

Take it easy anyway

Max

Well it has been nearly two weeks since our big scare, that was intense and frightening. But things seem to have settled down and everything is going along very well. It is pretty awful when you are going from hour to hour hoping and praying your little bump is going to be ok.

But we had to have a change of thoughts about all this, we were so stressed and wondering why this has to happen to us. Why cant things just go right and be easy. Then we realised just how lucky we are, we are pregnant, it has worked for us. Plenty of people are not as lucky as we have been. It is a natural thought process when something horrific happens but now we are just pleased to be pregnant. We want to enjoy the pregnancy not be terrified of it just because of past events. We were analyzing every pain, tweak, feeling and twinge based on things that happened to us before. But we have never had IVF before we don’t know what to expect and cant base things from 8 years ago against anything that happens now.

We are just in a positive place right now, so grateful and happy to have been sent down this path. It seemed cruel when it looked like our baby had gone and we found it difficult to understand that we had been lucky to even get pregnant. But now we can see just how lucky we are and we are going to enjoy every last minute of the journey to our little baby making it into the big wide world.

It is also true that you never stop worrying, even after they are born we have a 9 year old and 13 year old and we worry about them each and every single day. But worrying doesn’t change anything in fact it probably makes it worse Our two boys are as tough and smart as they come, we should worry about ourselves more than them

I guess that is what been a parent or prospective parent is all about. Desperately wanting to keep our babies safe and well

Anyway I have decided that these blog posts need to be more positive and thoughtful as well as factual Although I do hope that sometime in the future when someone is going through what we did they might stumble on our blog and see that not all is lost even during a big heavy bleed.

Its been a mad week at work as well, I am getting about all over the UK. On the plus side I hope to get a new car over the next few days, to many miles on my truck now. Although it is a brilliant truck and I will miss it probably spend more time in it than at home

Liz is resting up ready to go back to work on Monday after her hospital appointment, just a midwife check up. She will be taking it easy though, well I hope!

I have changed the blog around a little bit, trying to get twitter working with it a bit better. All good fun.

To all those who are just going through IVF/Pregnancy good luck to you all. To those who had bad news on this cycle stay positive and don’t give up on your dreams.

Max

Umm well I am not exactly sure were to start with this blog, I nearly wasn’t going to be writing one ever again. I was so fed up and in bits with the whole fertility/IVF/Pregnancy games that I had lost all hope. Some of our friends on twitter will already know that early in the hours on Wednesday morning (2am) I was woken by a scream from the bathroom so bad. I knew straight away what it meant jumped up and rushed to find Liz sobbing as she had found a very bad bleed. We were so happy almost getting to the point of thinking of telling work colleagues etc what had happened. We were over 10 weeks pregnant and getting so close to hitting the 12 week mark. We had no reason to worry as everything had been going so well, Liz had been very tired and poorly in the mornings but nothing to worry us about the pregnancy. Then in an instant the whole world seemed to come crashing down around us.

We sat up from 2am desperately looking on the Internet for information on heavy bleeding (bright red). We did find some glimpses of hope and people on twitter had some positive thoughts for us which helped. It was a very anxious wait to get to the doctors first thing. By this time the bleeding had eased up and Liz still had no pain. However we had really started to lose hope, you see we have already had 2 miscarriages before. 1 between our 2 sons and on after our youngest. We have been down this road before, rushing to doctors and arranging scans. These rooms are filled with horrible memory’s of Nurses and doctors telling us our babies have died. Nothing positive has ever happened when we have had this before. We had shed a few tears during the night and talked through all sorts of possibilities. Could it be due to the progesterone tablets stopping or because of the IVF in general or was it because our baby had died.

Anyone who has suffered fertility and pregnancy problems will appreciate all of the above. The anxiety around all of it is immense, we have been under increadible stress for over 6 months now and more long term 9 years! We have scrimped and saved the money to pay for our treatment, tried in vain to get pregnant naturally and the horrible feeling each month when you fail. We have started IVF treatment and gone through the drugs, the waiting, the indignity of some of the procedures, the happiness at getting pregnant, the worry of reaching each milestone along the way. Each time followed by moments of immense joy when you get good news. Just a week or 2 ago we had been on cloud nine to see our baby growing with a heartbeat at 8 weeks.

As we waited at the hospital to see the scan we almost ran out. Thinking if we didn’t see it had died we could pretend just a bit longer we were going to have a baby. We had dared to look in baby magazines and shops dreaming of all the wonderful things we need to get for our new arrival. Happiness surging through our veins, it was beautiful. After all we had been waiting years to get to this point. Why not enjoy it! We didn’t run and we waited patiently to be seen, I must just say the hospital was so good! I know the NHS get grief but we were seen so quickly and by such kind informative supportive staff. I think the nurses knew we had lost hope, they said not give up just yet and that a lot of ladies do bleed a lot. The only time Liz has ever bleed is when we have lost babies so we doubted it.

Anyways our names got called and we marched off in almost in tears. The lady who performed the scan said she might be a while taking a look and not to worry if she didn’t say anything for a minute or two. We have heard all this before and was almost zombie like to events around us. Then something amazing happened she said here is your baby wriggling about a bit but it looks perfect complete with heartbeat and snug as a bug! I didn’t really take it in, I had to take a double take. Liz was in tears of joy this time, we didn’t care what the bleed was about at that moment in time our baby was alive! We had sat in that room to devastating news before, this just wasn’t normal. I think for a few hours we sat in total shock at home, the nurses had said they cant really explain the bleeding and it might last a few more days and return on and off.

Its a few days since now and Liz still has some light bleeding but no pain and the nurses say it is just the original bleed running its course. For the moment we are just taking it a day at a time, we don’t have another scan for a couple of weeks and we just want to make that so much. This little baby is already just as much as trouble as our two little guys here already! We are relieved but also so worried again. We had talked during that night about starting all over again on IVF and if we could do it. In that moment we didn’t really think we could. The immense stress of all of it is huge and added to years of fertility struggles is even worse. We would have to move on in our lives with the family we have now. Its not that our two boys are not enough, they are amazing and we are blessed to have them. We  appreciate that fact already. But we had our eldest at 17 years old, we had to bring him up in basic circumstances. We worked our socks off to be the family that we are and after a miscarriage we were blessed with our youngest. Again we were only 20 and as time went on we wanted to have more babies and grow our family as we had matured. We now had the house and financial security to do things how we wanted, not how we had to. It was a case of managing as best we could before, not that we are complaining, those were great times! We don’t want to seem selfish in wanting more children, it is just something we all want to do so much and have done for a long long time. Even every pregnancy has been a struggle, our eldest was very premature and almost died, he had pneumonia and respiratory problems on birth. He was in hospital for a long time after a C section birth and pulled through. Then our youngest was over due and had a few problems. Thank god we had these guys young in our lives or I don’t know what we would do. It was hard at the time but obviously that was the path that had been chosen for us. I just hope this little bubba is also part of our path. I really really really hope this little bubba comes along nicely and without troubles. However in the cold light of day we just want them hear with us. We can look back in a years time and say you know what that was hell but it was all worth it! Because at the end of the day it is

But to everyone out there who is pregnant, struggling to get pregnant, been pregnant, having IVF, miscarried, etc it is horrible at times but also wonderful and we feel both your joy and pain. I hope you all get the lucky breaks we seem to have gotten this time.

Well this is probably the longest most rambled blog I have written hope it might offer others some hope in times of worry. Hopefully the next blog I write will be on a succesful and happy 12 week scan. Liz is currently on enforced bed rest, not by the doctors or hospital but by me and the boys! We are not letting her out of our sight!

Max

Wow I am not sure were to start with this blog. I have left it a bit long again. Mainly due to so much work at the minute, I have been up and down the motorway since the New Year more times than can be healthy!

Anyway we have had some huge progress in the last couple of weeks, we had our first scan at 8 weeks and 2 days. I had been so confident about everything since we got our positive result. Despite our 2 prior miscarriages I was sure everything would be fine. I know medically speaking that you can have a miscarriage for any number of reasons. I had convinced myself that getting to Blasto cyst stage with a top grade Embryo made things less likely to go wrong. I know this is not factual, but logically I had convinced myself it was. I think it is more believe what you want rather than what is right

Poor Liz had been worried sick and she had convinced herself of the opposite, she thought it could not possibly be ok. she was so worried. I felt great right up to the minute we walked into the scan room. I suddenly realised that our happiness at getting a positive could all be undone in a matter of seconds. From a purely male point of view I can only compare it to your Football team been a goal up in the cup final. You think the match is won then the referee holds up 5 minutes of added time and your nerves are on edge. Well the very nice scan lady said she might be a few minutes looking around and not to worry if she didn’t say anything for a minute or two. Liz was looking at me to see if my reaction would tell her if things were good or bad. Not sure why as I had no idea what I was looking at on the screen The lady was so quick and showed us the heart beat and said it all looked really good. It was instant relief the ref had blown the whistle and we had won the game. Whoop Whoop. The baby was sixed at 8 weeks and 3 days which 1 day ahead of what we thought. It was a huge relief.

I know this is far from a guarentee but it is another hurdle crossed. As above the game really isnt over, in fact its not even half time! But we felt huge happiness and relief that at this moment in time things are ok. Liz has now been discharged from the IVF clinic to the local midwife. She is in the process of writing to confirm a 12 week scan date. Hopefully this will go just as well and we can look forward to a smooth happy pregnancy.

In the excitement of it we got some of our old baby things out of the loft, most if it is 9 years old now. We did find some nice outfits if it is a boy and some cool baby swings/carriers. We just need to be real good now and not rush out to buy lots of things just yet.

It is going to be a huge exciting to change for everyone in our household when this lovely bundle of joy arrives. We have a near 13 year old a 9 year old in the house and it will be shock to them and our dog. We are all really excited by it now. We told family who were aware of the treatment that we had the successful scan, they are all really happy for us and some of them are getting a bit carried away starting knitting and stuff

I guess I will probably next blog after the 12 weeks scan, I dont want to bore anyone will to much information. In reality this blog has always been more of a diary for oursleves in the future. But if it provides any useful information, help or support for anyone else that is great.

We are not very good on twitter and I am sorry for not getting more involved in that. You all seem so close and friendly it seemed strange to jump in on that. We are pretty quiet in the real world though so maybe with a bit of shove we might get more involved. Please don’t think we are rude though, just don’t want to embarrass ourselves saying something stupid or upset/offend anyone.

Good luck to everyone going through IVF and sooner or later I will figure out how to shift these adds off the side of my blog

Happy New year everyone first and foremost!

We had a good Christmas and New Year with friends and family. Our two boys go back to school tomorrow and we have just about survived all their excitement I have had a longer than expected break from work due firstly to the snow and travel problems the UK had in December and more recently customers messing me about

Liz has been very tired and quite exhausted a lot of the time really. She had a day when she felt really well and was worried something might be wrong She is back to feeling tired now and she didn’t sleep to well last night bless her. She changed her scan date from Monday to Friday next week so we have to wait a little bit longer to see that. We are both just crossing everything and hoping all is well. We have been following all the stages of development on our apple apps to see what our baby should be doing and how big (small) they are. We are still at the beginning of a very long journey.

We still feel incredibly lucky, amazed, thrilled, nervous, happy etc etc to even have been blessed enough to get to this stage.

We did get a bit carried away on our trips to the sales this year, looking at baby products and starting to think of all the things we might like to have. We have not even thought about this previously as it seemed so crazy to even think we might get pregnant. We had to bring ourselves back down to earth before we starting buying all sorts of stuff. We best wait a lot lot longer yet we did think about at least starting a list of all the things we are going to need as it has been a long time since we little babies in the house. Starting to consider stuff like fire guards, stair gates etc on top of all the obvious stuff. You forget all the containing toddlers and babies require We do have some nice stuff tucked away in the loft for our youngest and eldest children, must have been up there 8 years so I am not sure on its condition I do remember the electronic baby swing was a life saver at times

I hope our excitment will be allowed to continue and thanks to you all for your support and information on twitter. Even after going through a cycle of treatment we still dont understand a 10th of the things you wonderful people do.

All the best wishes in what ever stages of treatment or planning you are going through.

Max and Liz

Hi everyone, and happy Christmas!

Well we have been suffering the 2 week wait very impatiently, I thought as we had a 5 day Blasto transfer 2 weeks ago we would have been able to confirm it sooner? We have been testing over and over again for about a week We refused to believe it at first but was hopeful as we did get a negative to start with and the lines were getting progressively darker.

Anyway the clinic confirmed it today we are officially 100% pregnant. Our nurse did put a bit of downer on things, it early days don’t be telling people or getting carried away. Things can and do go wrong in early pregnancy etc etc. We did hit the ground with a bump after that, I will be honest. We already know quite well after prior miscarriages many years ago what the risks are with any pregnancy. It is horrific when it does wrong and I hope so much that we have already suffered enough with that.

We have started to tell our closest family that we have been having treatment, partly because so many of them were asking questions about where we were going all the time. I think they are all curious now as to what is happening so we will see if we wait to tell to people. I think we might tell closest family in case anything happens so they can help out. Plus they can help make Liz keep her feet up!

Everything has gone so well from the start of the treatment, we got so many eggs and this one amazing blastocyst. I hope the little miracle can keep growing and developing. This means the world to us and is the perfect Christmas gift.

We feel really lucky to have had this happen to us and we are just going to be thankful that it has for now and remain positive. Others are having a hard time right now as they were not so lucky. Very sorry for everyone who is struggling with this right now we feel for you. So it would be wrong if we were so wrapped in what could go wrong, we are lucky to get this far and we know it. Best positive step forward and lots of positive thoughts.

We have a scan in 3 weeks to see how things are going, hopefully that will show a strong growing little bubba. Until then we just cross our fingers, more waiting! It seems that this is the main part of all this, waiting. Well I can be patient it doesn’t mater how long it takes.

Thanks for everyone’s support on twitter, we have been quiet for a few days as I have had a sickness bug. #NOTNICE Plus we didnt want to upset anyone who had not been so lucky this last week.

Thinking of you all

Max

Well we are a full week into the 2 week wait. We got a brilliant grade blastocyst back on transfer day, that was amazing. It had developed so well and the embryologist seem very happy with how it had gone.

It was a pretty swift procedure to put it back, I had expected a little more science to the porcess, maybe that is just me But all been well while we waited after the transfer the process had begun.

At least Liz doesn’t have to stab needles in herself all the time anymore, she was like a pin cushion. Anyway during the last week Liz has been feeling all sorts of different emotions and physical things. I guess anything seems like a big deal when you are wondering if this feeling means it failed or worked. I guess it is all out of our hands now, we have done everything we possibly can. No point lying that we wouldn’t be disappointed if it didn’t work, we would be gutted. But looking back at the cycle things have gone pretty well, we got 20 eggs, lots developed and Liz responded well to all the drugs. So fingers crossed over 2 or 3 cycles we should have success, it would just be a hell of a lot less stressful to get to that stage at the 1st attempt! Anyway we are staying very positive for now, not to the point of getting carried away though

The wait is killing us though, we have been naughty and done a test already, mad I know. It was positive and as soon as we saw it we knew it meant nothing. Liz was relieved to see all the drugs are still working though. We have spent years testing every month in the faint hope it had worked so I guess it is almost habit now! Cant promise we wont test again before next monday either. I think if we get a positive over next weekend that has to be a very good sign???

All my fingers and toes crossed anyway

Liz has a few days work this week so that will take her mind off it a bit.

Best wishes to everyone else at whatever stage of your treatment you are at.

Max

Hello!

We found out yesterday we actually had 20 eggs not 19. I am going to have to take responsibility for that as Liz was out of it.

Over the last few days Liz has had some pain from the retrieval but she is doing ok.

We had a phone call from the clinic yesterday morning to say we have 17 fertilised eggs from the 20. 3 are abnormal and will not progress, 4 are of an ok grade and 10 are excellent very good grade. This is so good to have so many viable embies, we were told we can go to blastocycst stage and a day five Monday transfer.

They are going to call Monday morning with an appointment time of probably late afternoon. They are very pleased with how it has gone, all bloods look good for Liz. I think we must have a decent shot from here and if it fails we know it can work for us. After all these years we are so used to things not working it is just good to know that over maybe three cycles we must have a high chance. We both hope so as Christmas might be hard otherwise. But in the same way we can role our sleves up and try again.

I will post how Monday goes and Liz wanted me to say that retrieval is uncomfortable but she really cant remember much about it now.

Fingers crossed the transfer goes well on Monday and we get a growing embie in Liz! Hopefully it will stay and grow! Fingers and toes crossed.

Max